Almost Heaven

Some days back I read a book called Almost Heaven. The book ends with the following conversation :

Son : Father, what is heaven?
Father points to his family and says : this is my heaven
Son : but father my teacher said heaven is in the sky
Father : then lets call this Almost Heaven.

~END~

It got me thinking ... what is my Almost Heaven? Let me warn you.. the list is long and in no particular order :)

• A nap in my mom's lap
• A tub of hot water, a drink and a good book
• The swinging chair in the terrace of my home and a mp3 player with soft music
• A messenger and an out-of-touch friend online
• My college friends, the college "kutta" and lots of gossip
• Pouring rains, a cup of steaming tea and a plate full of garma-garam bhajiya
• A moonlit night, a deserted beach, a close dance and a special someone
• A midnight talk with Aksu, Gappu, Chubby and Sasi
• A houseboat, Allepy backwaters and a tranquil mind
• A journey accompanied by a shoulder to fall asleep on
• A hungry stomach and garam "varan-bhat"
• A mother's tears on finding out that her daughter has got a good job
• The sight of home after months
• Fitting into your high school jeans
• A cup of coffee and a catty session
• Loads of shopping and someone Else's credit card
• A long drive with the wind in my hair and NO TRAFFIC

Peace

I was at peace, 

at peace with heaven,

at peace with the earth

most importantly,

at peace with myself

I was at peace,

at peace with the sea,

at peace with the wind

most importantly,

at peace with life

I found this peace at the edge of a boat

surrounded by friends,

yet alone with my thoughts

the beautiful sea streched out around me,

wind in my hair, on my face

and I thought,This is life!!!!

What-if

I'm one of the worriers in this world... I worry about everything and anything. My worries range from not finding the right ingredients for a dish to losing my loved ones and I keep thinking and analyzing to worrying day in day out... So at times I'm worried about having said the wrong thing to the wrong person. This in fact is one of my most common worries as I have a very big mouth. Had to be to accommodate my large foot. You see I'm cursed with the foot-in-my-mouth disease.

Anyway back to the topic..... So I often say things I shouldn't... And recently I believed I had done one of my bigger blunders...so i kept fretting about it for a really really long time!!! But after a while I realised that though the conversation never ever went the way I wanted it to it was still a relief to get it out... And yes it has made things somewhat awkward for me but the fact is I'll never have to face regrets over "what-ifs" in this regard.

"What-if I had said it?", "What-if I had given a clue?" nope, never gonna have regrets about this. Because I went out and cleared the air, so things didn't work out the way I wished they would have but I believe moving on will now be easier as I will never wonder if there was something I should have done about it. My advice to everyone reading this... if you want something to happen first do everything you can do about it and only then pray to god to help you with some luck :)

Anyway now that I have analysed this, I have decided to never worry about saying things straight up. Whew!!! thankfully, that one less thing for me to worry about!!!!

P.S. : this is for all the over imaginative ppl out dere...(basically my friends) the conversation I had was with my mom!!!!

SCS - Single Child Syndrome

Some days back my roommate used my soap as hers had gotten over. On discovering this I was mildly annoyed and I'm very vocal with my annoyances. She seemed very surprised by this. When i tried to explain the reason by saying that I'm a single child she just gave me a blank look.
made me wonder... haven't people heard of single child syndrome????
So let me list down things typical to a single child. . .
1) Very very possessive about things and people. I'm possessive about my soap, my towel, my blankie, my pillow, my soft toys, my phone, my laptop, etc etc (The list is just too long)
I'm also very possessive about my mom!!!
2) Used to getting their own way.. people phrase this as stubborn, headstrong, decisive, firm, determined and so on
3) Not very quick to make friends
4) Go off into their own space where no one is allowed
5) and many more
However the most common factor is the possessive nature displayed by all single children worldwide!!!

So I tried thinking of why it is so and here is what I came up with....
Situation : I have a teddy bear that I can't go to sleep without. . . now if I had a brother or sister, I'm sure they would have stolen it or snatched it or hidden it from me simply to be perverse (I have oft observed such behaviour amongst siblings of my friends). I'm sure that due to such irrational behaviour I would have become accustomed to thinking of possessions as ours instead of mine. however being a single child this situation never ever arose and I was always the princess of all I surveyed!!!

Does this mean I'm spoilt? Possibly!!! Anyway now that I'm living with friends its very difficult for me to adjust to the idea of communal property and so my seemingly absurd tempers are viewed with total disbelief. This post is an attempt to explain myself to my friends and of course myself :)
I'm a single child and so ruled by all the idiosyncrasies displayed by a typical single child!!!

Choices

Life is sometimes about making choices .... and at other times about adjusting or adapting to choices made by others :)

Ramblings of a lost mind

Why is life so lonely?
I’m surrounded by a crowd
But I’m just a spectator.
I stand aside
And watch myself participate
Laughing at myself,
Teasing others,
But a part of me always feels disassociated

I walk alone in the mob
A couple in their fifties passes by
They are holding hands,
Smiling into each others eyes.
I look at them and feel self pity.
Will I ever find someone?
Who will hold my hand
even after it is damaged by arthritis?
Who will smile into my eyes,
Even though he knows they can never see him
With whom I can communicate without words,
Or will I be left alone in this world?

Life is fickle
Fate even more so
But the most fickle are people
People closest to you.
Some betray you,
Some hurt you
And some leave the world and you along with it

The eternal search for someone seems to never end
But then I ask myself,
Do I really need someone?
Can’t I be happy by myself?
The answer is never consistent
Each time different with ever changing conditions.